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WHEN
IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH? |
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Midnight …… and once
again I find myself sitting alone in the dark missing her.
It seems like my whole life has been spent staring out some
window waiting for a chance to see her.
As I gaze out into the blackness my mind drifts back to the
days when I fell in love with her. We were so much younger
then and all that mattered was how great life felt when we
were together.
In those days I remember I never slept because I was afraid
I’d wake to find my time with her had all been just a dream.
Instead of sleeping I would spend hours and hours just
watching her sleep as she lay naked next to me.
I used to wonder how it was possible that someone so
gorgeous could go through life so oblivious to her own
beauty. I remember times not being able to take my eyes off
of her because it seemed like I could never get my fill of
looking at her.
As she slept I would try to memorize ever inch of her body
as a way to help get me through my time away from her. Back
then going to work each day was so very hard because it
meant I wouldn’t be able to see her all day.
It’s funny, when I look at her now with rational eyes my
mind sees someone dated and eroded by life, but then my
heart intercedes and suddenly in my eyes she is as young and
beautiful as the first time I saw her.
I must confess, though I try to conceal it so she doesn’t
know, even now when I watch her undress I get that same
tingle I got the first time I saw her undress eighteen years
ago.
Suddenly, a flash out of the corner of my eye snaps me back
to reality as I look to see headlights coming down the road.
Even though I tell myself not to get my hopes up I can feel
the anticipation growing inside me.
Is she finally here? Am I finally going to get to see her?
My insides start to quiver with excitement as the headlights
draw nearer and nearer. What kind of mood is she going to be
in? Is she going to be happy to see me? Did she miss me too?
The headlights are almost at the driveway and now I can
hardly control the bliss. Then I watch in silence as the car
continues on down the road past our house,. All I can do is
stare as the taillights disappear into the night.
In an instant I feel knots form in the pit of my stomach as
the elation turns to anguish. When is enough, enough I ask
myself as a tear wells up on my eye? Isn’t 18 years long
enough to go through this agony over the same woman?
With that thought the image of her smiling face flashes in
my mind and I instantly feel a calm run through my body. I
look down at the time on my cell phone; “it is only five
after twelve” I tell myself. Then I fall back in my chair
and resume my gaze out into the darkness. When is enough,
enough? I don’t know but I guess it’s not tonight! |
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=Spaz=
May 18, 2008
Copyright, 2008 |
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